An Epiphany Of Change

1

I hate Change. Not Life Change…Coin Change.

I had a little epiphany today to remind of the importance of Change. Which type? Read on.

On the face of me I run a logical brain and life, but behind the scenes theres a mad little emotional nut whose tied up in the back corner and gagged. Sometimes his muffles and attitudes get to me. Worse is when he gets loose.

Recently, that little guy in the back has been a little depressed. I have to move at the end of the month from a home I’ve enjoyed for a few years and planned on for more. But the owner who lives in Finland lost his job and I must move so he can come back.

This IS part of my life choice of keeping options open as I’ve bantered about moving to Silicon Valley or getting an RV and living on the road. I think it would be fun to drive the States and take my cameras everywhere. My life affords me that option to wander if I want.

I’ve been dealing with the move in a logical way, looking for houses, doing the process. Theres a bit of stress and excitement as I’m considering moving back to Las Vegas. I’m working against a countdown clock. Considering something different makes this an opportunity to get me out of my comfort zone.

I’ve had a bags of coin change sitting in my car for a few months to take in and exchange at the Coin Star machine for groceries. I always forget to take them in and today I remembered cause I’m trying to get rid of everything I can to lighten the move.

I loaded the change into the machine thinking how much I hate change. Its gross, smells and mostly pennies. It makes me feel cheap. In the end $40+ bucks. We’ll thats not too cheap I suppose, I think. Glad to get rid of it. Yaaa task accomplished.

As I wander around the store it hits me that I’ve been quietly depressed. That little guy in the back is loose again. I hate shopping at the store. I’m bored with food. I’m bored of issues. I’m bored with bullshit. I’m bored with life. I’m just fucking bored.

Ugh. I wander the grocery store thinking about it while trying to think of food I can get thats different for a change. I’m so bored with food I even got thinking “maybe I should get married to a wife who can cook.” “Ok, I’m not THAT bored yet. I still like being happy.” I dont need to trade one set of problems for more looking for a fix. Other humans are very good at that. Not me.

I make the best of it, fill the cart and at the counter hand the gal my $40ish Coin Star Voucher to take off my pile of boring groceries. I’m beaming to be rid of all that pain in the ass coin change that was buggering up my life. Mission accomplished I thought. I happened to be paying with cash to get rid of some small bills I had. I hate those too. I like $100’s.

This old grocery store still runs on those old change machines where the coins automatically roll out of the tray for you. As I stood there so proud to be rid of change the cashier dispensed a new set of coins to burden me with.

The IRONY of the new coins struck me like an arrow into the brain. New change as you cash in the old. I couldnt get away from change. Its a constant always coming at you, even when you think you’ve gotten past it fact. Welcome to your bored stupid life Chris, you just got new change. You didnt want it. You thought you were rid of it, but there it is again coming right at you.

I was kinda pissed. “I just worked so hard to get rid of you.” I picked up the change and dropped it in the kids donation box. They likely need it more than I. I got enough change right now at home.

As I walked to the car, it remembered one my favorite songs by Van Halen that goes “Dream another dream, this dream is over.” It reminds me to recognize the closure of a old dream and to start embracing the new dream. Get excited. New change will take away the boredom. Are you listening little emotional guy in the back? Time to switch gears. Quit boobing and get excited. Dream another dream.

It reminded me that I need to look for the fun and growth that will come in this new adventure of change. What opportunities will lay ahead? What opportunities can I MAKE happen with this change? What do I see in the future? Things will have to be different. Guess what? Its hard to be bored when you’re challenged.

Reach down into the coin tray and grab hold of the new change coming at you. Theres always more coming.

About chrisvoss